Do you ever feel you are not even friends with some of your friends?
Ok, let's be real here. At one stage in your life, you are most likely to encounter, or be part of a toxic friendship. It happens to a lot of us, and sometimes we don't like to admit or express that we feel we have toxic friendships in our lives. T
They are no fun. They are hurtful, and guess what? YOU need to stop allowing them to happen.
What makes them worse, is that they can start to manifest themselves physically through anxiety and stress, knots in your stomach, diarrhea, cramps, headaches and beyond! ...... eek!
I have nothing but beautiful friendships in my life now, but it was not always the case.
Friendships are such a vital part of our life, they help us grow into better people, offer unwavering and positive support, there is laughter and tears, you are there for each other during the good and bad times. But sometimes it's not always a two-way street.
Nobody is perfect, and we make mistakes - but a toxic friendship goes way beyond this. These are usually the friendships that cannot be recovered, or things can't go back to the way they were in the beginning when things were all shits and giggles.
The friendships we have around us tell us a lot about ourselves, as does the way we allow people to treat us.
So, how can you tell is you're part of a toxic friendship?
HOW TO RECOGNISE YOU HAVE A TOXIC FRIENDSHIP.
Remember they don't have to be doing all of these for the relationship to be unhealthy.
Firstly, if this is you, then chances are you already know the answer.
- You don't want to answer their calls, feel sick when you see their name on your phone.
- You are happy and relieved when they leave.
- They don't make time for you. They always cancel plans and cannot be relied upon.
- They lie to you and don't show you respect and make you feel unimportant
- You don't feel like you can trust them.
- You feel like you cannot be yourself around them.
- They put you down, critisise you, and make you feel responsible for what's going on.
- You give so much of your time and energy and nothing is given in return.
- They don't support you during bad times and aren't happy for you when something great happens in your life.
- They don't give you credit where deserved, and make you feel like your achievements are no big deal.
- You feel negative and angry around them.
- They are super judgmental and have ridiculous expectations of you. Do you feel like they critisise you over certain things, but if the same thing happened to them it would be no big deal?
- They gossip and talk about you behind your back.
- Everything is always on their terms.
- Only hear from them when they need something: a lift, a going-out buddy, going in for a present, job opportunity, you know someone that they want to connect with (boss, other friend, guy etc). They take advantage of your generosity (time, money, energy). Basically, you are a means to an end.
- They don't give back, and there is never a thank-you.
- It's about them. ALL. THE. TIME.
Ask yourself 'is this really a friendship?'.
WHY THEY HAPPEN -
Simple. Because you allow it.
When someone said this to me years ago, when I was going through my own toxic friendship detox, I felt so insulted! How was all of this stuff that was happening to me, my fault?!
I used to try to be everything to everyone, and often made excuses for the behaviour of others, because of whatever was going on in their lives. Yes, its true, we all have things going on, people have their own 'stuff', and at times things can be down. Nobody is perfect. Remember this is different to a toxic friendship.
The relationships we have in our lives are there to send us a message. When we don't set-up healthy boundaries for the way in which we want to be treated, when we don't pull people up on their behavior as it happens, basically it snowballs. You express that it's OK for others to treat you in this manner.
Well, its not.
Learn from what's going on. What do you need to change for it to stop and not happen again?
You need to understand your value as a friend, and your worth.
It is OK to let inauthentic friendships go, you can't connect with everyone all the time.
Remember it's important to also take a look in the mirror. How are you treating those around you? Do you show-up with unconditional love and support every day?
In health & happiness,
